walk around the block- day 120 (project 365)

I came home from work to see that Jasmin's first car the white "soul plane" , graciously given to her at one time, was being towed away to car heaven.  After the excitement of seeing the crazy maneuvering of the tow driver ( he was not playing-sure he wanted to get home like the rest of us), I  went for a walk for an hour or so with the girls.   I really do enjoy my neighborhood and all its little treasures.  The cat with a monkey face and mustache, little elder woman who we waive hello to while she was  sweeping/ raking her weeds, and of course Elijah and friends  most fab artwork.    Thought I would share a few in the next few days.

 

third eye - day 119 (project 365)

My son came home with a tattoo ( temporary) of a third eye.   All I could think was, good, I hope you stay in tune and  pay attention to that intuitive side of you.   He will need it more than ever as he (my youngest), will be graduating and off to college in a few months.     My children are grown adults now.  Time for me to get in tune with me even more and that third eye.  Although I will have them around occasionally  and of course my grandchildren.  I hope to be  fortunate enough  that I can really look forward to putting some real energy into my own passions.  That would be most wonderful.

a girls day - day 118 (project 365)

I had a lovely day hanging out with my girls...my daughter Jasmin, my granddaughter Mahlia and   the soon coming groupie in utero.

  I just wanted to say how proud I am of my daughter and the woman that she has become.   As a young mother I know that it isn't always an easy haul to begin with , but she has come a long way.  I have been reminded  this weekend of how wise , steadfast, honest, determined, loving and lets not forget opinionated and stubborn she is and how much  I respect her for it.

  Now another little Beastie is on the way ( another girl!!!!).    No doubt that in the next few months I will be posting several images of my daughter and her daughters when  the new little gift  arrives.  

yay for film- day 117 (project 365)

Today I went and picked up my first shots of film in  ages.   Was so excited and then disappointed when they all didn't come out.   Film and I just just getting aquainted again.  What another wonderful journey.   These images, a test run for me,  shot with a camera of my dads late 60's 120 film camera , a Yashica D twin relfex on a day out at the swap meet.   More to come....hurray for film.

can't hide the eyes- day 116 (project 365)

I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday .   My eyes don't hide what I feel , no matter if I am smiling on the outside.    When there is light, there is  light. .  I am an extremely emotional being.  The kind that cries when I see someone else's pain or even when I am angry because I don't want to be.   I am just frustrated .  At least this to will pass.

throw back thursday - day 115 (project 365)

As much as I would love to make some beautiful images tonight or shoot something happening around me , I am not.    I have decided to look through my images and post something that I had done before. I thought it might be a great idea to post some images just so I can remember where I was, how I felt , were I want to be, hence throw back Thursdays.
  

As much as I am thinking about how much I want to do and move forward , I am reminded of how far I have come.  I have been documenting my life for so long but it really started in 2007 and has truly been a journey of self discovery.   Some not so happy, some joyous, getting to know me , wanting to lose me or things in my life and gaining others.   These are a few photos after I had cut my locks off  around 2009  it was from a series La Gata Negra....the black cat who wanders at night in the shadows  of the darkness -masked- no one really knows her  and wanting to release all that darkness and pain, sorrow by removing it.  Amazing how documenting emotion( although maybe not so much flowers and sunshine), has a beauty of its own, because it is real and true, evoking emotion.  

 I have been told more than once that  in my joy  I still have some kind of sadness lingering deep inside my soul .   So what is that when I work so hard to stay positive and out of those depths of darkness?  A past life's sadness, ancestral pain,karmic or just really not letting go of things that hurt .  Maybe a little bit of it all.   I still strive for that  inner peace, positivity , "nirvana"  on this journey because it is ," my journey"  and  I believe and ultimately need to  believe in myself. 



Siempre

 . 

simple things - day 114 (project 365)

I have a job to take some images of a remodel from beginning to completion.  While at the work site I saw the rebar and the colors from oxidation , lines and texture and really thought about how something simple and at the moment before jutting from the earth to create a sculpture of sorts or concrete jungles,   actually can be a beautiful piece of art.


  

stars and stripes ( well, my own) -day 113 (project 365)

morning 5:30 am ...meditation of thanks, work out, shower.....feeling fabulous...stripes it is with boots, jean jacket, turquoise, cowry shells (my stars) ....  

It is a fantastic feeling to wake up and start the day on such a positive vibration and make the decision that no one will or has the power to make it anything less.
I totally get it now when I see certain elders just wearing what makes them feel good and  and fun..eclectic , bright, with big smiles on their faces , free spirits.  That will be me and I will continue to embarrass my children and grandchildren for that matter.  Oh what fun it will be.

Just feeling fabulous today and why not feel good  about yourself, walk with your head high, and strut your stuff as much  and often as possible.  Be colorful -or not, wear that piece of clothing you love- just because, be funky,  have fun, be you!

romeo, oh romeo- day 112 (project 365)

Either today or tomorrow is William Shakespeare's birthday.   Over the years I would say most of us have had to read something of Shakespeare , one of "the old crusties",  as I would say.   Granted I enjoyed some of it if I was connecting but there was so much of it that it was beyond my scope as a youth.   Loved when they made modern movies with the story that we could all identify with.   I always think of these not clear faded out scenes, romantic  and dangerous or even dark but dreamy .   I guess this "old crusty" is alright. 

One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.

William Shakespeare 

 

Looking back- day 111 (project 365)

Today at Clayton's baby shower I was observing (as I normally do) and noticed my kids grandfather  80 or so years young, sitting with his brother.  I got this shot as they sat chatting . I felt a very monumental moment in time.    I am sure they were looking at their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren and great nieces and nephews and looking back at the day when their own children were running around.   What a beautiful thing to be able to be blessed enough to be of sound mind and body and be able to see the generations all together, seeing your legacy so many years later.     Cheers to you.

ignored chores- day 110 project 365

My day of long neglected chores, and after driving around and cleaning it is still not done and seemingly  never ending .  I accomplished much and have much to do.  

?????- day 109 (project 365)

I  am kind of  feeling a blank tonight ....not really knowing what to shoot in the amount of time I actually have to do this.  I really have a "lot" of ideas but would require a bit of time.....so in order not to post here it is, me thinking about it. Voila.

Real Beauty- day 108 (project 365)

Yesterday a friend posted a link on my Facebook page about the Real Beauty project by Dove.  This particular clip is with some women and a forensic artist.  They are asked to describe themselves to him as he sketches them  on the other side of a screen without seeing them and then he ask one of the other participants to describe the person he had just sketched as well.   In the end both sketches are revealed ...... it is amazing how we see ourselves.  (http://mashable.com/2013/04/15/dove-ad-beauty-sketches/)

  Most of us will look for all the imperfections and concentrate on those things.   I  myself have had issues with my self perception and can tell you all the things that are seemingly wrong with my outer-self. --- big forehead, vericose veins, hands that have always been rough with veins (hard working hands),  stretch marks,  15 pounds overweight,cellulite and even more with age crows feet, splotchy skin, sagging and bagging....on and on and on.    I am the hardest on myself with those little things that are just that "little" in the big scheme of things.   Wanting to take care of yourself and look your best is different from an ill body/self perception of self.  As women we might say those little things out loud  that our daughters and granddaughters pick up and carry with them that creates that same skewed  view of themselves.  There are so many ramifications , most of all lack of confidence and self pride.  What needs to be said is to love who you are , every wrinkle, dimple, dip, bump, curve, curl and color of what makes you that unique individual.   Love every little bit of yourself.   Coming - out of my comfort zone - and sharing is the first step towards healing the view I have of myself. 

 I thank my friend for sharing what she thought  would remind me to see  clearly the real beauty in myself and to embrace it. 

Walking on air- day 107 (project 365)

Have you ever felt so good that you feel that you are walking on air.   Those days , even moments when no one or anything can bring your head out of the clouds.  Floating above the ground and nothing else matters. Weight lifted off your shoulders and light as a feather, as if a dream but the moment  is now.  Wait for it...... i am told it will come.

Mr Rogers helpers - day 106 (project 365)

I was reading some of the news on the Boston Marathon bombings and the act of senseless violence again, and came upon a saying from Mr Rogers that has been going viral on the web .  Among other comments that are similar, there are more good and positivity in this world than any negative forces. 

 When I was a boy and would see scary things in the news,   my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.

Mister Rogers

Mahlia -  the helper. 

basketball,daddys/daughters and faith---- day 104 and 105 (project 365)

This weekend was extremely busy but photo filled and although shot, I  wasn't timely with my post.    Saturday I had Clayton captured  and Sunday morning continued on the ongoing project with Dawud on the daddy/daughters with Kenny and Esmerelda in National City.    Kenny and Esmerelda were awesome, I am showing one image of them playing basketball.  I got some pretty powerful shots and can't wait to share them  when the project is put together fully.

  Today while picking up some ceviche I met an elder 73 years young,  who use to play professional basketball in the late 50's to 60's with the Warriors, and so full of life , laughter, stories.  He reminded me of my father, same height( 6'4"), build , eyes of wisdom and experience.   Jai walked up heading home and I introduced them and we all had great conversation and laughter.   Jai agreed he resembled his grandfather (the photos that he has seen) .   It amazes me how the universe places people in your path when you are thinking the most about loved one's you miss terribly. 

Among all the blessings that I was givin today ,on a day that I was just drained of energy,  I am grateful always.    I can not finish without saying that although I had a wonderful day and  in my own turmoil, it  seems so trivial when hearing about  the horrific bombing during the Boston Marathon .  I saw the news video and couldn't help but cry and just hope that people will heal.   Why???
 Everyday this is a common occurrence in other parts of the country .  The loss of life for adults and children alike over hatred, different views, and people just wanting to hurt others ........  it saddens me.   Americans have been in a bubble and not exposed to much of this, unfortunately a little to much recently - mostly within and society is waring against each other.   I pray for all who lost life, and those who continue on to heal physically but mentally - and carry on with strength. 
 I am one of those nut jobs I guess  that still have faith in most human beings and do my best to find that positive vibration in the negative that often surrounds us.

Clayton- day 103 (project 365)

This is Clayton, he is the newest member to the Willkomm family (Jeff and Jenna).   Little newborn babies are so precious.  This little guy has the most amazing eyes and such an alert one.   The beauty of seeing a Jenna cradling Clayton and seeing that emotion she was conveying  of being a mother and thinking that you would do anything for that little being.   Glad I could capture some of it.